When are you fully recovered from a Narcissist?

Two days ago I started yet another attempt at no contact with my Narcissist husband. I thought again we were working on things but then he kept telling me we'll talk on the phone on a certain day and when the day would come he'd "forget to put his alarm" or would plan something with others and never even acknowledge our plans to speak. Finally I had had enough and I brought it up to him. True to his narcissistic character he started insulting me and calling me a useless drama queen for saying he needs to at least acknowledge or apologize for keep canceling the plans. How did I dare question his highness!
Just writing about it makes me want to throw up really. I'm so sick of him and so over him. The only problem is I'm still married to him and can't afford starting divorce proceedings as I can't pay for lawyer or our mutual debts until I have a job. However I can not wait till the day that my marriage to him is over, how freeing and amazing that would feel. Right now he is like a cancer in my body and the day i'm "cancer" free is going to be a joyful day, even if I wasted 3-4 years of my precious life on him.

In his little irrational rage over the fact that I dared expecting him to show up on our "talk" session appointments, he is probably plotting on how to RUIN me and make me pay for my big crime. Gahhh him and his messed up mind make me so mad. I try to not think about him most of the day otherwise I will waste more of my life in anger and hate. I try to get on with my life and hope the "cancer" will be taken care of somehow when the time comes. For now I need to focus on me and my life.

I will end my little rant about him early this time because I'm afraid some not very nice words will come out but I will end it with a song with lyrics that is like taking words out of my mouth.

"It's Not Me, It's You"

[V1]
Let's get the story straight
You were a poison
You flooded through my veins
You left me broken
You tried to make me think
That the blame was all on me
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it's not me it's you

[Chorus]
It's not me it's you
Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things you say and do
It's you
It's not me it's you
All the lies and pain you put me through
I know that it's not me it's you
You
You
It's not me it's you, you

[V2]
So here we go again
The same fight we're always in
I don't care so why pretend
Wake me when your lecture ends
You tried to make me small
Make me fall and it's all your fault
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it's not me it's you

[Bridge]
Let's get the story straight
You were a poison
Flooding through my veins
Driving me insane
And now you're gone away
I'm no longer choking
From the pain you put me through
And now I know that it's not me it's you

Life lessons...

It's been a few months since I last posted here. Not a lot has changed really, except I have become more and more humbled everyday by the hardships that I'm enduring and by knowledge of hardships still ahead of me.
We had a few attempts (initiated by me) to resolve our issues and work on our relationship which failed because he thought it was pointless and he is better than that. Also he is not at fault AT ALL for anything that happened so why even bother trying to fix anything. He basically told me everything was your fault, I won't ever offer you more than what I did, take it or leave it. Yet he still claims to "love" me and that he'll wear his wedding ring until the day I divorce him.
He watches as I struggle financially, not being able to get a new job and not having the option of employment insurance because I use it all during our marriage to help our lives. He knows I don't even have money to put gas in my car to go to interviews yet he tells me he loves me, prays for me, has my picture as his phone background and has hope we'll be together again one day. Yet, he doesn't make the smallest steps to mend the relationship or show his love in action. Just saves up and hides his thousands of dollars he makes every month and spends it on partying with his friends and ordering pounds and pounds of "legal" drugs and alcohol.
This is the definition of love when you are with a narcissist.

But now on to the positives.....
A few things I learned after going through this marriage from hell.
1) My compassion for those who are or have been in abusive relationships is far more real and deep now. My goal is to one day (when I recover and heal from this mess) to help those in a similar situation in anyway I can.
2) My compassion for those who are of poor means or struggle with finding a job or paying their bills every month has grown tremendously as well. I have never before in my life been in a situation where I had to rely 100% on others to provide for me and it's been a humbling and tough experience.
3) I learned a great lesson in setting boundaries and trusting my instincts and gut feelings about people. I don't know if this will be my last lesson but I'm a lot more careful about who I allow in my life.
4) My whole view of what is most important in life is now very different. After the huge support I received from my family during this rough time, I realized that is one of the greatest blessings in life and I hope to never take it for granted.

Of course there are a lot of things I still need to work on... forgiveness... trust... self esteem... and other things he destroyed to a great degree in our marriage. The sad part is I still care about him and want to stay in touch after all he's done and I still blame myself sometimes for all that went wrong. But immediately after I remind myself how I felt in that marriage and how normal loving caring human beings do not treat another person like he treated me. There is no excuse for that!

I spend my days now switching between hope for the future and being excited about the new possibilities and sadness and hopelessness, because of the failed marriage and wasting years of my life and having to start from zero again! There is a long path of healing in front of me....